And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
