You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
