New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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