thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
