Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
