I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
