I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
