Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
