u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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