so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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