i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
