Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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