closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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