My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
