he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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