i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
