just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
