I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
