So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
