Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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