So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
