Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
