so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
