You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
