this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
