I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
