is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
