This girl is more easily done than said...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
