it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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