Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
