I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
