Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
