He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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