it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
