Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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