I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
