This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
