i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
As shirtless as possible
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
