I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
