It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
and you fell through a lawn chair
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
