the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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