And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
