watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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