My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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