I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
