yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
