what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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