please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
