As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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