you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
