remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
