My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
