she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
