dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
