fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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