i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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