Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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