Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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