She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
