I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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